


Tore the Curtains Down

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Arguments, Depression, Gen, Isolation, Refusing Help, idk how to tag this???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 16:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5212649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Listen I know, this one's a contradiction 'cause of how happy it sounds, but the lyrics are so down."</i> </p><p>When you think about it, Not Today is actually a really sad song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tore the Curtains Down

**Author's Note:**

> maybe one day I'll finish the fanfictions I've already started

_I don't know why, I just feel I'm better off staying I'm the same room I was born in._

 

Tyler stared at his ceiling. It was plain with small imperfections in the drywall and paint. A few chips here and there. A few grey marks where the paint faded.

He liked staring at the ceiling. Letting his mind wander as his eyes lazily sought out the imperfections. It was numbing. His own personal white noise. 

He would stay in bed for hours. Not moving. Just watching. Thinking. Drifting in and out of consciousness and sleep.  
But then Josh would come. 

And Josh would bring food that Tyler would barely touch. Josh would open the blinds on the windows. Josh would say, "Not today", and drag Tyler out of bed.

Josh would ruin the peace Tyler felt and thrust him back into the real world.

Tyler hated it. 

 

 _I look outside and see a whole world better off without me in it ~~trying to transform it.~~_

 

Tyler just didn't feel like he fit. 

The sky was blue, but he always felt like it should be black. The sun was shining, but all he wanted was snow. People were laughing, but he could barely keep a smile on his face.

Josh was next to him but he should be far away. 

Tyler just wanted to stay in his room and stare at his ceiling and let the world pass by around him. He couldn't care less about the things he missed. He didn't fit in it anyway.

But Josh kept trying. Kept trying to help him. Kept trying to give him tools to help himself. 

But Tyler didn't want help. Not from himself and certainly not from Josh. 

Tyler just wanted to be left alone. 

 

 _You are out of my mind, you aren't seeing my side. You waste all this time trying to get to me, but you are out of my mind._

 

"Stop it." Tyler finally said one day. "Stop trying." 

Josh frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"Stop acting like I'm worth helping. Stop wasting your time on me." 

"Tyler, you're not wasting my time –" 

"No, you don't get it. _You're_ wasting _your own_ time trying to get to me. I don't want help." 

Josh looked taken aback. He kept opening and closing his mouth, trying and failing to find the right words. "You can't just stay in your bed and stare at the ceiling all day, Tyler."

"I can." Tyler's eyes narrowed. "And I _would_ If _you_ didn't keep interrupting me." 

"I'm just trying to help—" 

"Yeah? Well stop. I never asked for your help. You just assumed I wanted it. You're out of my mind, Josh. You can't possibly understand what I feel and what I want. You just can't." 

"I can't just stand by and let you waste away." 

"No one is making you stay by my side. Just leave." 

"I can't, Tyler. You're my friend. This isn't you —" 

Tyler laughed. It was very bitter. "'This isn't me'. How do you know who I am? You don't. Like I said, you're out of my mind. You can't see what's going on inside it. You can't see the world how I see it. If you could, then you would understand why I want _nothing to do with it or you_." 

Hurt flashed across Josh's face. "Tyler..." 

"What?" He couldn't stop talking, spilling all of the bitter thoughts he's held on to for so long. "I'm out of my mind? Is that what you're going to say? _I'm_ the one wasting my time running away? I'm just crazy, right?" 

"No, Tyler that isn't what I was going to –" 

"So why don't you just _leave_ then? Just go away and leave me to my thoughts."

"You _know_ why I can't do that."

"And _I_ don't know why you think I'm worth saving. I'm so tired of hearing you say 'not today' _every single day_ and pulling me out of bed. I'm so tired of it, Josh. I'm so tired of _you_." 

Josh stood there, looking like he was about to cry. Tyler tried to ignore that. He looked at the floor and scowled. Before Josh could open his mouth again, Tyler continued. 

"Don't test me, Josh. Just because I play the piano doesn't mean I'm not wiling to force you out of this apartment. I don't want you here anymore." 

Tyler glued his eyes to the floor. He didn't dare look up. He couldn't take the risk of seeing Josh in tears. He just couldn't.

He heard Josh suck in a shaky breath and whisper, "Okay, Tyler. If that's what you really want." 

He heard footsteps walking away from him. He heard a door open and close. Then he heard nothing but his own heartbeat. 

Tyler finally looked up and the apartment was empty. 

He smiled, but it felt as hollow as the room he was in.

He walked back to his bed and collapsed into it. 

He stared at the ceiling, trying to find the imperfections that numbed his mind.

Only it didn't this time.

Something heavy sat on his chest. Something burned the back of his eyes. Something made his throat constrict.

Tyler realized that he was crying.

Tyler realized that he felt _guilty._ That he wanted to take back everything he said. That Josh was right, he didn't _really_ mean it, didn't he? 

He just wanted to be left alone for a little bit. Now he had the sinking feeling that he'll be alone for a while.

Maybe that wasn't a bad thing, though. 

Maybe now he can just waste away and the world won't have to bother him anymore. He wouldn't have to eventually face Josh's disappointment. 

Tyler tried to stare at the ceiling through his tears, but all he saw was a blurry mess. 

 

 _I'm, I'm out of my mind. I'm not seeing things right. I waste all my time trying to run from you, but I'm... I'm out of my mind._

 

Maybe he _was_ crazy.

**Author's Note:**

> A song about running away from help.


End file.
